I believe in self-care. 

Did reading that make you twitch? Are you now reassessing everything you know about me? I’m sure someone out there is now praying for my struggle with selfishness.

Why is that? Up until this point in my journey, the Christian Church has generally lacked in its knowledge of – and therefore ability to handle – the facets of mental health believers face today. Previously, knowledge and education of mental health practices remained hidden and stigmatized; however, with the over abundance of resources and discussion currently taking place, we cannot hide behind that excuse any longer. We stand as a leadership with everything at our fingertips and yet remain unable to help our fellow Christians at the most basic level. 

Why? 

Stigma and misunderstanding: The perception that mental health issues are a sign of weak faith or moral failing. Mental health is still a taboo subject to some and discussing it openly may be seen as inappropriate.

Theological Beliefs and Spiritual Solutions: The belief that mental health issues are solely spiritual, rather than recognizing the psychological and biological factors of the soul. Some churches emphasize prayer, faith, and spiritual/pastoral counseling over professional mental health treatment and every day mental health practices, believing that spiritual solutions are the be-all end-all or should at least take precedence.

Fear of Controversy: Mental health discussions can lead to disagreements within congregations, especially on issues like medication versus prayer, secular versus sacred resources, or science versus the Bible.

Lack of Training and Resources: Many church leaders have no training in mental health topics, making them unsure about how to address these issues appropriately and leading them to sidestep the issue, or worse, blanket the issues with over spiritualized solutions. Some leaders may have their own unaddressed mental health needs that keep them blind to the issues at hand.

Personally, my venture into my own mental health journey saved me. Specifically, boundaries have worked wonders for me and part of setting boundaries has been the application of self-care. Boundaries – learning to understand my limits and act accordingly – have saved me from frustration and resentment with others and myself. Self-care – allowing myself time to enjoy the very basic pleasures of life, such a reading, going for a walk, or sitting on my porch despite the busyness of my schedule – has strengthened my joy and carried me through hard times. Because the terminology and practice of self-care has come to me through the therapy world and was taught by professionals as a piece of setting boundaries, I have employed it with great success.

However, not everyone has witnessed self-care in its proper context and so we find ourselves sometimes taught by respectable leaders that self-care is selfish. I recently heard a speaker at a Christian conference talk against self-care as only caring about ourselves and further claim that if everyone is going to be exhausted, then at least we are exhausted in our work for Christ. That we didn’t need self-care, we needed soul care. 

My instant reaction was, “Ummm, no. Leave me out of that version of Christianity, thanks.” While I did not talk with the presenter at any point, I later ended up in a conversation with fellow pastors who loved what the presenter had said. As we began to talk out our differences I realized that we were actually on the same page and, ultimately, the disagreement was a conflict of terminology and definitions, not to mention the misapplication of said terminology to one’s actions. 

First, I think the words spirit and soul are often used interchangeably even though they are not one and the same. The spirit is the volition (inner empowered drive) and our unity/communion with God. The soul is our mind, will, and emotions. When we speak of soul care, we are speaking of psychological and biological care, which encompasses self-care.

When the presenter spoke of needing soul care, she was not wrong. Soul care is what we so badly need in our world today; however, soul care and self-care are not mutually exclusive. Soul care is the overarching practice with self-care as a subcategory. Self-care is knowing what I need and when to keep me functioning at my best and help me avoid overwhelm and burnout. This could mean reading a book today because I’ve been so busy for a couple of days and need to unwind for an hour. This could mean getting my nails done because it makes me feel good. The correlation with boundaries in that you must say no to something else to make the time to do these things for yourself. 

Self-care is not an excuse to actually be selfish, forget priorities, slack on responsibilities, excuse poor behavior, do whatever you wish, or be lazy and apathetic. When any of these motivations are at play, you are not participating in self-care.

In Philippians 2, Paul tells us to “work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling.” The Greek verb for “work out” means “to continually work to bring something to completion or fruition.” Fear and trembling means our actions are done in reverent respect and awe of God. Practicing self-care falls along these lines as well – it is something we work out as we go.

We all know that humans are not perfect. People will claim self-care for actions that are actually laziness or selfishness. People may claim self-care to excuse wrong doing or downright meanness. Others may see through this or not, but when it comes down to it, the motivations of your heart are what count and what God sees and judges. If a person uses the term self-care to disguise selfish behavior, we may be in a place to call them out on it, but either way, it is their responsibility to work it out with God. And it is our responsibility to understand that one person’s misuse does not change the principle itself.

The problem is, our culture has a tendency to:

1) assume understanding without gaining one’s own knowledge.

2) disregard ideas and practices one is unfamiliar with.

3) throw the baby out with the bathwater. 

Just because some people misunderstand or misapply language or practices doesn’t mean we don’t practice and teach it ourselves. People misuse and misapply God’s grace all the time – whether we know it or not – and yet we don’t stop believing in it or living in it ourselves. God hasn’t taken his grace away because some talk about it wrongly or don’t understand it. Why is self-care any different?

As I mentioned previously, self-care protects us from overwhelm, unnecessary stress, and burn out. Make no mistake, our God has work for us to do, but our God did not make us limitless. God created us in His image and we see Jesus get away from the crowds to rest and care for himself throughout the New Testament. If Jesus needed rest – dare I say self-care – then we do too. To live in exhaustion due to my work for Christ is to live in direct violation of how Jesus modeled healthy work ethic and rest. The command of Sabbath, after all, is God’s way of telling us to consistently take care of ourselves in the busyness of life.

When all is said and done, the Bible is our source and Jesus says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31). “As yourself” tells me that I can only love God and my neighbor in the way I love myself. We can all agree that you cannot give what you do not have. If I do not know how to love and take care of myself, then I will be unable to love and care for God and others. Put simply, being able to love God and love others is rooted in how we love ourselves. 

We have unlimited knowledge at our fingertips. I urge you to learn more about both boundaries and the related topics of soul care and self-care. They are life changing practices that I will never stop employing.

Resources for Learning About Soul Care, Self-Care, and Sabbath

 Soul Care: Find Life Giving Rhythms, Love Restored, Avoid Burnout, Discover Unspeakable Joy, by Debra Fileta (2024)

Rhythms of Rest: Finding the Spirit of Sabbath in a Busy World, by Shelly Miller (2016).